Why You Don’t Need to Worry When Things Don’t Work Out
- Dr. CK Bray
- 9 hours ago
- 4 min read
Why You Don’t Need to Worry When Things Don’t Work Out
We have all had those moments when life does not go according to plan. You pour your heart into something, a career move, a project, a relationship, and it does not unfold the way you hoped. It is that gut-punch feeling that this was not supposed to happen. And if you are like most people, your next thought is probably, What did I do wrong.
Here is the truth: everyone experiences setbacks, losses, and disappointments. They are part of being human. But what really determines whether we crumble or grow is not the setback itself; it is how we respond to it.
When things do not work out, your brain interprets that as a kind of threat. The amygdala fires up, flooding you with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Your heart races. Your body tenses. Your thoughts loop on repeat, searching for control. But here is the catch: you cannot think clearly when you are in survival mode. The very part of your brain that helps you solve problems and see the bigger picture, your prefrontal cortex, goes quiet.
So, what do we do? We worry. We replay the story. We get angry or sad, and sometimes we stay in that state far too long. Brene Brown said, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It is enough. And that is the shift our brains and hearts both need: to believe that even when something falls apart, we are still enough.
Letting go of anger, regret, or the need for things to look a certain way is not about giving up. It is about permitting yourself to breathe again. Neuroscience tells us that when we release those emotions, our nervous system moves from fight or flight into rest and repair. Cortisol drops, serotonin rises, and the brain literally begins to heal. Forgiveness and acceptance are not fluffy emotional ideals; they are biological resets. They clear the mental clutter so your brain can do what it is built to do: adapt and move forward.
Resilience researchers call this post traumatic growth. It is the ability to emerge stronger, wiser, and more grounded because of struggle, not in spite of it. Think of it like emotional weight training. Every time you fall and get back up, you are rewiring your brain to handle uncertainty with more grace. You are building emotional muscle.
Of course, this does not mean you ignore sadness or bypass pain. As Brene says, we cannot selectively numb emotions. If you numb the hard stuff, you also numb joy, connection, and gratitude. Feeling deeply, even when it hurts, is part of what keeps us human. The goal is not to never feel pain. It is to not build a permanent home there.
Holding grudges or resentment might feel powerful for a moment, but it is really just your nervous system staying on high alert. And over time, that chronic stress starts to wear down your clarity, energy, and compassion, the very things you need to move forward. Strength does not come from holding on; it comes from releasing what no longer serves you and standing tall again, even when it is hard.
And here is another truth that is easy to forget: everyone has their own timeline. Their own path. Their own pace. What is right for one person, their version of success, love, purpose, or healing, may look completely different from yours. Comparison is a thief, not a teacher. It tricks your brain into thinking you are behind when, in reality, you are just on a different chapter.
Neuroscience backs this up too. When we compare ourselves to others, the brain activates the same threat pathways triggered by physical danger. We slip into a scarcity mindset, as if someone else’s success means less space for ours. But your brain, like your life, thrives on authenticity. The more you align with what genuinely matters to you, the calmer and more focused your brain becomes. Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, the thriving chemicals, increase when you pursue purpose, not perfection.
Maybe that is the quiet lesson hidden in things not working out: sometimes what does not happen is just as important as what does. The job that did not come through made space for something better. The relationship that ended opened room for growth. The opportunity that passed by forced you to look inward. Life reroutes us constantly, and though it is rarely comfortable, it is often wise.
So if life has not worked out the way you expected lately, take a breath. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are in the middle of becoming. The brain you have right now, the one that feels tired or discouraged, is quietly rewiring itself every time you choose to keep showing up.
Maybe things did not fall apart. Maybe they are falling into place.
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