Stop Worrying What Other People Think of You
- Dr. CK Bray
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Picture this: You're on a perfectly manicured green in Florida. The sun is shining, there's a light breeze, and you're about to compete in a charity golf challenge. No pressure, right? Now imagine the cameras are rolling, 100 people are watching, and you’re putting next to a PGA Tour professional and a local teaching pro... Suddenly, the stakes feel different.
That’s exactly what happened in a neuroscience-driven study of performance pressure. The surprising result? It wasn’t the amateur who folded under the spotlight—it was the teaching pro, a skilled player in his own right. Why? Because he was consumed not by performance anxiety, but by something even more powerful: the fear of what other people think.
It’s called FOPO—Fear of People’s Opinions—and it's quietly shaping how we lead, speak up, and show up at work. It's that inner dialogue that second-guesses our emails, waters down bold ideas, and keeps us silent in meetings. FOPO is everywhere, and it’s not just uncomfortable—it’s a productivity killer.
In high-performing organizations, FOPO often lurks behind polished smiles and strategic presentations. As we rise in our careers, we become more visible—and with that visibility comes scrutiny. For leaders, the pressure to impress, perform, and prove ourselves can quietly morph into a constant need for validation. The irony? In trying to control how others see us, we often lose sight of who we really are.
The antidote to FOPO isn’t just more confidence. It’s purpose.
A growing body of research, backed by insights from psychology, neuroscience, and organizational behavior, shows that the most resilient and effective leaders aren’t driven by applause—they’re anchored by purpose. They know why they lead. They know what they stand for. And they use that internal compass to navigate complexity, pressure, and change.
That shift—from performance-based identity to purpose-based identity—is the game changer.
A performance-based identity says: “My worth depends on how well I perform and what others think of me.”
A purpose-based identity says: “My motivation comes from meaning. I measure success by alignment with what matters to me and the impact I create.”
So what can leaders do to help their teams (and themselves) break free from FOPO?
It starts by creating a culture where purpose matters as much as performance. That doesn’t mean throwing out KPIs—it means pairing them with values, clarity, and trust. Ask your team: What do we stand for? Why does our work matter? How do we define success beyond the numbers?
Hold conversations that go beyond metrics. Help your team define a shared purpose—one that's authentic, future-oriented, and connected to something bigger than the next quarterly target. When people connect their role to meaning, they don't just work harder—they work with more energy, creativity, and resilience.
And don’t stop there. Help individuals uncover their personal purpose, too. Ask what drives them, what excites them, and what future they’re working toward. When people feel seen not just as performers but as human beings with values, goals, and motivations, FOPO begins to lose its grip.
Because here’s the truth: Fear thrives in silence. Purpose thrives in connection.
As a leader, your greatest power isn’t in projecting perfection—it’s in cultivating a culture where people can be bold, real, and driven by something that matters. The best teams don’t just chase goals—they live out a mission. And that’s what sets them apart.
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