Why You Like People Less at Work Than You Used To
- Dr. CK Bray
- 6 hours ago
- 2 min read
Not long ago, I caught myself getting irritated by someone at work for something that normally would not have bothered me at all. The email was fine. The comment was fine. The person was fine. But I felt my patience thin anyway. That moment made me pause, because I realized it wasn’t about them. It was about the state I was in. (Okay, so maybe it was a little bit about them and the fact they were driving me crazy).
Most people won’t say this out loud, but many are quietly thinking it. I don’t hate the people I work with, I just like them less than I used to. The coworker who never bothered you before suddenly irritates you. A harmless email sticks with you all day. A small comment in a meeting feels heavier than it should. And you start wondering why working with people feels so much harder than it used to.
Here’s the reassuring truth. People didn’t suddenly get worse, and you didn’t suddenly become difficult. What changed is the environment your brain is operating in. When the brain is tired, overloaded, and under constant pressure, it becomes less generous. Neutral behavior starts to feel personal. Small annoyances feel bigger. Patience runs out faster.
Under stress, the brain shifts into protection mode. It stops asking, is this annoying, and starts asking, is this safe? That’s when coworkers begin to feel like obstacles instead of collaborators. The same person saying the same thing can feel completely different depending on how taxed your system already is. That’s why someone who irritates you at work would barely register on a weekend or vacation.
Another reason work relationships feel harder is that so many interactions are unfinished. Meetings end abruptly. Conversations move on without clarity. Feedback is delayed or vague. The brain doesn’t love ambiguity, so it holds onto small moments longer than it should, and over time, those moments add weight to how people feel.
So what actually helps? Start with your own state. When irritation shows up, ask yourself if you’re tired, rushed, or overloaded. Reducing pressure in your own system often softens how others feel almost immediately. Next, slow down interpretation. Stick to what actually happened, not the story your brain adds. And when possible, create small moments of closure by clarifying instead of assuming and addressing small things early.
The goal isn’t to suddenly like everyone you work with. It’s to stop letting a stressed brain turn ordinary people into ongoing sources of frustration. When your system steadies, people feel lighter, conversations feel easier, and work becomes more manageable without anyone else needing to change.
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