Find Your No!
Most of us believe we would stand up for ourselves when it matters. We'd question an unfair request, speak up at work when something feels wrong, or simply say "no" when our values are challenged. Yet, research tells a different story. More often than we'd like to admit, we comply instead of consent. We say "yes" because we want to avoid conflict, disappoint someone, or challenge an authority figure, even when every part of us knows it isn't the right decision.
The problem isn't that we lack courage; it's that we've spent our lives learning how to please others, not how to honor our own values. From an early age we're taught that obedience is good and saying "no" can be disrespectful or selfish. Over time, our desire to fit in often becomes stronger than our willingness to stand up. The result is quiet compliance, agreeing to things that don't align with who we are, while ignoring the discomfort our mind and body are trying to tell us. It is a subject that I believe we need to spend time thinking about.
The next time you're faced with a difficult decision, give yourself the gift of a pause. Before answering, ask yourself, "If I say YES, does this align with the person I want to be?" Sometimes the most powerful word we can say isn't "yes." It's a thoughtful, values-driven "no." Every "yes" shapes the person you become. Make sure it's a yes you can live with.
Sunita Sah, DEFY, The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes
Sunita Sah, Psychology Today, January/February 2025 Issue
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